What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize