im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
