if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
