please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
