The maid of honor just puked.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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