oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize