He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize