just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
