As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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