i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
