Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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