my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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