she was so not down for the gang bang
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
