sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
