and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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