oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
