its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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