Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
