Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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