did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
