When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Less talking, more tequila
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
