I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
