And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
