So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize