I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have surprise drugs for everyone
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
