3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
