No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Be still, my beating vagina.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
