I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
