it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
