At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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