I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just want to make out with him forever
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
