he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
