The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
