My brain says no but my pants say off.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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