Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
