barbara walters just said penis...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
