just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
