Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am naked and annoyed.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
