Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
