just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
