GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize