***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
