i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
