marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize