you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
