I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
