How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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