Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize