she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I would fuck him just for his dog
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
