happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize