I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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