i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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