I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
