Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
