wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
