I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
false alarm. still invincible.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
