I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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