remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
