my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize