i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
