I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
