So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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