My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
