My liver just broke up with me...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
