I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
