I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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