The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
