A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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