That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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