My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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