Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
