He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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