at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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