I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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