I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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