Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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