Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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