her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize