I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
