the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
