By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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