I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
