I want to stick my p in your. b.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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