dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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